you might have noticed that the piece i wrote on sunday about visiting a friend of mine in jail has disappeared. this is not because i'm ashamed of what i wrote, or that i'm worried about influencing her case. i've removed the post simply because i am not comfortable with exposing myself the way i did. i haven't written anything that raw and hurting for nearly two years, and to suddenly find myself doing so again made me a bit awkward. the internet is a great tool for self expression, but it's also a place where you can be relatively anonymous, which is comforting. it's like going into a forest and letting off fireworks - people in the next town can see them, but they don't know who let them off.
and i'm not saying that what i put on this blog are things that i usually want to deny. but it's definitely a hyperbolic version of my life, done so on purpose to make myself more interesting. what i wrote on sunday wasn't. it was straight out of my tired little head, bypassed the filter. it's probably one of the best things i've ever written, if the reactions i got where anything to go by.
maybe the removal says that i'm not comfortable with being honest, or with self exposure. whatever. all i know is that i promised myself that i would be easier on myself, and exposing myself to people i know, people i don't know, with the words the way i did on sunday wasn't an easy thing.
but the Beckett quote at the end, that still stands
"Dear incomprehension, it’s thanks to you I’ll be myself, in the end."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment