Sunday, December 19, 2010

just because it's over 300 years old doesn't mean it's useless

Some sanctimonious little twit wrote into the Herald a week or so ago, complaining that school hadn't taught him anything useful, just made him study Shakespeare. I wrote into the Herald, carefully illustrating how this twit was wrong. In hindsight (something I never subscribe to) I should perhaps have left out the phrase "sanctimonious little twit"


- If you have three daughters, be on your guard, and trust the good one (for reference, the good one will have the least stupid sounding name)
- Try not to fall in love with your father's mortal enemy's spawn
- If you're going to bite your thumb at someone, then commit to the action for the sake of expediency.
- If you think you kissed an ass, you're probably right
- If you are one half of a set of opposite gender twins, endeavour to have similar hair cuts and body builds. it will prove to be enormously helpful in the long run
- Don't trust a forest that wasn't there the night before
- Don't trust the political predictions of witches.
- Beware the Ides of March, which, for reference, occur on March 15, every year.
- Don't trust the timing of the almost death potion. Cosmic irony dictates that you won't wake up in time.
-Henry is a perfectly acceptable name to pass down through 8 or more generations.
-If you choose to become a playwright, people won't mind if you re-write history just please your monarch.
- You can also plagiarise from Plutarch and other sources!
-And recycle your jokes and plot lines!
- You can tell if your life is a comedy if you end up married, a tragedy if you (and everyone else) ends up dead, and a history if it is long and boring.
- Naming everyone Caesar is the cause of much unnecessary confusion. Don't do it.
- If, in your closet, he comes before you with his doublet all unlaced, then he's probably not worth it.
- If there is something suspicious happening in your family, then you can get to the bottom of it by staging a dummy show that informs everyone of your suspicions.
- Fortinbras is a good dude to call in a crisis.

I'm sure there are thousands more, but I took Shakespeare and Renaissance Drama two semesters ago, so I'm rusty.

1 comment:

Arlene said...

Hilarious and true.